Straightening Myself Out // [Daily Bullet Log for 29JAN24]
Today's Topics - Metaphysics, Psychology, Devotion, Meditation
Here are some atomic notes from my research and studies today.
1 - A question: Synchronicities and Shadows on a Cave Wall? [METAPHYSICS/ESOTERICA]
Is there any chance that identifying the synchronicities in science and metaphysics could paint a bigger picture ripe for exploration?
Shadows on the walls of Plato's cave and all.
2 - On the Origin of Actions [PSYCHOLOGY]
I am currently going through my copious raw notes from my self-therapy journaling experience and organizing and clarifying them. Lately, my hobby is therapeutically journaling and engaging in mystical spiritual practice to help heal some old wounds because I am determined not to let old negative patterns keep me from living my best life. I use a variety of sources, but my cornerstone resource is Dr. K's Guide of healthygamer.gg
I am going the gentler route of journaling through a self-guided program and talking through issues with trusted friends and colleagues who I know are up for my bullshit. I do want to work with coaches down the line, and I am not opposed to actual clinical therapy. But I want to keep my options at the lowest level of impact. I want to build a foundation of change within myself that will support long-term change and resilience in the face of adversity.
The three origins of actions. Instincts and reflexes. Habits. Thought.
A saying about action. Watch your thoughts, they become your words. Watch your words, they become your actions. Watch your actions, they become your habits. Watch your habits, they become your character. Watch your character, they become your destiny.
An issue we have today is that we live in an outcome-focused society. Instead of focusing on the origin of action, the thought of the outcome.
3 - Anuloma Vilunoma Reflection - A Mantra for the Blood of the Second Covenant [MEDITATION/DEVOTIONAL REFLECTION]
Today was the 6th session of 14 in the second phase of my deep meditation program from Dr. K's mental health guide. I am incorporating elements of Bhakti-like Christian devotion into my meditations as a compliment to my daily theology study and devotional readings.
Questions I am reflecting on today:
Have you thanked God today for the “new deal” He enacted through Jesus’ death and resurrection? What are some ways this gracious act can change or add to your interactions with God?
I am cursed with a terrible sense of Glorious Purpose. It's the Loki thing. It's kind of pointless. Read Ecclesiastes for more on the pointlessness of it all. But all the same, if I must live a pointless life, then why not make a game of it and invent a purpose you can enjoy?
I've labored under a fat-ass ego for...well, pretty much my whole life, if I had to think on it. I don't think I was born a full narcissist, given that I seem capable of self-reflection, but all the same.
A need to be "the man". The shame of tiny, imagined micro-rejections. Fragility of pride and unhealthy masculine traits. And then an unhealthy rejection of everything about masculinity.
All tied up in my massive ego as the point of origin.
Before Christ sacrificed himself, under the first covenant, sins had to be paid for with yearly blood sacrifices made by the High Priests.
With the blood of Christ, all of this becomes unnecessary because his blood washes away our sin. What that means for me is something that I am still discovering for myself. I see many everyday Christians take this for granted. Or use it as an excuse to do bad things and just "pray" the guilt away with a request for forgiveness.
I've never really found that satisfying. That always struck me as kind of effin' convenient, if you know what I mean.
But...when I think about where we are headed as a species, and the utterly fatalistic and bleak thoughts that could arise, it seems almost impossible to understand, but I am imminently hopeful.
I am hopeful because unlike so many, I can conceive of a different world. Other futures. I am not beholden, necessarily, to the visions and structures we've created all around us. For whatever reason. i dunno. Even thinking back to when I was younger, I've always had this outlook, more or less. Maybe I didn't have the words for it, but I've never been one to take what was given to me for granted.
This could be some very old traumas manifesting. i dunno.
All the same...submission to anything higher than myself is not something I find easy AT ALL. I am very prideful and full of sin. I am belligerent and resistant to change at times, despite my supposed devotion to mental elasticity. And yet, here I am, bit by bit, snapping the bone and resetting it.
All I have to do is trust in the healing power of the blood of the second covenant. All I have to do is trust.
I don't ever "feel" the sensation of blind belief…but I am listening to your guidance, Wisdom, on this.
Giving you a little blind trust.
I am trusting the Spirit of Christ that resides within you to inspire me to rightful action towards my dutiful path.
My dharma.
It is difficult for me to submit to authority, but I can pray for the grace to accept the gifts of living according to His will. If I can change how I interact and relate to Him, I can trust he will heal me in all other respects too.
From that, I will get whatever it is I need to get to give what it is I need to give the world.