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A Valentines Day Letter
I am writing this letter for you, my friend, keeping you anonymous of course, but also to share what you mean to me. If you knew I was publishing this, you’d probably protest, but…I feel I must.
In the past, such a letter might have been, beneath the surface, a plea for attention. But today, this letter is something different. A message of gratitude. And deep, deep admiration for a true twin soul.
We’ve been friends for a bit of a minute now. Sometimes lovers. Sometimes strangers. Sometimes you followed me. Sometimes I followed you. And through it all, you have always shown that in the end…you care. In your own way, of course. I know that at times it can be a struggle to express yourself because your life, and mine, are somewhat prisonic y como una tormenta.
But…here we still are. In truth, I wasn’t even sure if it would be a good idea to say anything, but in the end I decided I knew that it should tell you just how much your friendship means to me, because you’ve become my most unexpected and delightful comrade and best friend.
Last we saw each other, the pain on both sides was palpable, though perhaps for different reasons. And yet all the same, what was undeniable was a desire I believe to find some kind of ground to stand on. And at the end of that hand out sesh, we found that - through an understanding that our friendship through it all is what can never be denied. A friendship I will never release.
Neither one of us knows what the future holds. Everything is in flux. I am not even sure I will see old age the way the world is headed. But I have learned that in seeking the light you bring into my life in those precious moments where we are able to break through to each other, the thing I seek always seems to be illuminated. It’s as if your friendship is a North Star guiding me to who I need to be.
Before, I would cling and chase and abandon myself time and time again. The harder I would cling, the more you closed. It wasn’t until I stood in who I was and relaxed and just…enjoyed the moment, whatever that moment might be, that you softened. And I began to understand what it was that you originally saw in me.
“The Builder”.
The power latent in me. Not the cruel power of tyrants, but of the just and wise leader that I must be to build a better future in an uncertain world. What I must become.
You recognized my inner strength. My inner man. The thing I had been pushing away for so long out of spite and anger. My shadow.
The same shadow and light I see you, my dearest friend.
It took me loving my shadow for us to open back up again. And without pining for a mythical past that is no longer here, we were able to be as were then, but also as we are now.
You have taught me a lot about myself, in a roundabout way. In profound ways. I was so closed off from the world to hide from the hurt and the possibility of pain. And that instinct caused you to feel extreme pain at times, a fact that kills me to no end.
You are such a gentle and unique soul, and yet one so full of inner fire and love of adventure.
I can’t get enough of how fascinating you are. Your love for your brothers. Your scars.
Your killer taste in music.
All the insights I’ve gotten from reading your “Bible”, Will Smith’s autobiography.
Your love of the mechanical and legos.
Your sensuality.
Your passion.
All things about you that endlessly fascinate me.
The way you inspire me to be a better man and a better friend to you.
Even if all I ever had of you was what I’ve gotten, no matter how painful that would be, I wouldn’t regret loving you for a minute. I want to be careful not to overwhelm you, but today seems a good day to say that much. All I ever hope for with you, my dearest friend and comrade, is only ever another minute longer to savor your presence. And then another. And another. Until I can’t. But I pray that day is not today.
Yours truly, faithfully, and eternally.
-C