So how am I feeling today?
I'm f***ing exhausted at time of writing.
I need to start to take getting sleep more seriously as well as being disciplined about my task making during the day.
Actually, you know what, I think I just need to be more disciplined overall.
I am kinda ass cheeks at that and it seems like everything in life that interests me is out of reach due to my own lack of discipline.
…
Thoughts from my day
What kind of journey have I been on recently?
Disastrous dating situationships.
Difficulties in my personal relationships and in community. Freedom versus isolation. Lack of fulfillment. Deep unhappiness. Restlessness. Feeling weighted down, physically and spiritually. Struggling with my inner nature. Feeling empty. Like I'm on a neverending treadmill.
Like I'm stuck wondering the desert for forty days and nights after receiving the gift of the Holy Spirit from John the Baptist.
I am struggling with my less-than-divine nature, my desire to be less-than-divine at times, my stated goal of striving to Christliness while at the same time failing miserably to do so.
3 things I am grateful for.
I seem to be getting stuff done today despite it all.
My Son.
The endless grace of Jesus Christ.
VIGNETTE: Journaling in the Tap Room to relax at the end of the day.
Just to set the scene for where I was downloading my end of day thoughts into my bullet journal, I was sitting in the corner of the Tap Room upstairs at the Blackhorse.
Let’s pretend I’m back there for a second, actually.
I pull out a pack of camels and “Raw” branded Bic-lighter.
The brick-walled pub is dimly lit, though smoke has yet to fill the room, as the Tap Room only just opened.
I order a black and tan pint and ask for an ash tray. At first the lady bartender refuses, but then reconsiders after a moment and offers to let me sit in the corner with the window open. I happily accept. It's ideal for me, since I'd rather not be interrupted tonight.
The bartender mentions that the smoke causes an issue with the diners downstairs, since the cigarette smoke has a way of making it's way down from the pub upstairs. She shrugs and goes back to serving drinks.
Fair enough.
I unfurl some scrap pieces of paper I jotted thoughts down on during my weekend shifts in the gym. Most of it is utterly inane, uninteresting shit. What I choose to transfer into the journal can't be said to be much better, but at least it suffices as a thought worth mentioning at all.
I then remember I need to be kinder to myself inside.
Been talking to an old friend lately. She sees me very differently than I see me, that's for sure.
I start dragging my pen across notebook paper as I begin to synchronize my journal.
REMARK FROM THE WEEKEND/”LIFE IN TN CITIES”.
Life in Tennessee cities can sometimes feel like living amongst an endless sea of industrial parks, gas stations, shopping strips, trailer parks, apartments, suburban subdivisions, and upper-crust gated communities away from us commoners.
…and that’s about the extent of it.
I take a drag off my Camel. I attempt to blow it out the window, but the hot breeze blows the smoke back in.
I look over my shoulder to see if the bartender notices, but nobody in the bar cares one iota.
Restoration Meditation: 14AUG24 Prayer for Peace
Today’s Prayer for Peace was for the people of the Bahamas.
If you aren’t familiar, my church, Community of Christ, does these weekly prayers for peace for the peoples of different countries around the world.
“Beware of the scribes who like to walk around in long robes and who love respectful greetings in the marketplaces and the best seats in the synagogues and places of honor at banquets.”
Luke 20:46
Study notes published today.
Stuff to be aware of.
You are the economy, not the stock market. We aren't in a recession. But the vibes are off all the same. What's going on in the economy? (Beau of the Fifth Column)
Musk and Trump violate labor law by violating right to strike. (Beau of the Fifth Column)